Meditation and Mindfulness

ng-60686Over the years, I’ve tried various kinds of meditation, and some of them have been more fun than others. I think we all discover the ways that work best for us individually. I thought I’d share some of the techniques that I’ve tried, over a few blog posts, and what I got from them. That actually sounded a little odd; the purpose of meditation is often to get beyond purpose, to reach a place of relaxed awareness, beyond desire for result. Never mind, some of us like to know what we’ll get from something before investing the time and effort required to get there.

Meditation using breathing

Where to start? To satisfy the intellect, I’ll say that messing with the balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide results in a change of consciousness. The number of breaths, how long the in-breath lasts, and how long you rest before exhaling has meaning in various esoteric traditions. However, if you want to play with it, start with the basics.

4/4 breathing
In this pattern, you breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, breath out for a count of four, hold for a count of four. And then you repeat. As you can imagine, at first, those are going to be kind of quick breaths; the notion is to extend them until you are making around 4 breaths a minute, without stress. Counting helps as it keeps the conscious brain occupied. This pattern is one that became very popular in the 60’s and 70’s, especially when you add a mantra (a small verse)that has meaning to the person meditating.

meditationSilhouetteThe general idea is to allow thoughts to pass through your mind, but not to pay much attention to them. Think about day dreaming with your eyes closed, without falling asleep. Often visions arise, solutions to things you’ve been thinking about, and sometimes you just fall asleep. That’s not wrong, just not the point. Keep practicing until you can be comfortable being in the moment, noticing your body, being in it, and being mindful, without paying too much attention to it.

One mantra that goes with this is “OM MANI PADME HUM”, where each of the words corresponds with a count. The words are most often translated, perhaps not entirely accurately, as “the eternal jewel in the lotus” along with the visualization of a lotus blossom opening up and revealing a hidden mystery in its center. Incidentally, the OM is A-U-M and all 3 sounds are chanted / subvocalized.

Use your own words
Please do not feel constrained to using just the count or the OM MANI PADME HUM chant. Try out things that are meaningful to you, personally. If you are following a particular spiritual path, perhaps there are words from there that will work for you, or you could simply pick four personally meaningful words, like:

  • love, friendship, peace, understanding
  • laughter, play, joyful, bliss

Be playful; it is more important that the words correspond to things you can visualize and that have personal meaning. I’ve heard some odd things at times; one friend picked the four Norse figures who mythology tells them hold up the world (Austri, Vestri, Nordri and Sudri). Some folks pick the elements in English or Latin (Earth – Terra, Air – Aer, Water – Aqua, and Fire – Ignis). Use whatever works for you.

What is this good for?
It is good for relaxation, and I noticed that it has a good impact on memory. Doing it before memorizing a speech, materials for a presentation, or attending a workshop where you will learn some complex new material, tends to result in recall being easier and more complete.

  • Do the meditation for 5 minutes
  • Read the study materials from start to finish
  • Do the meditation for another 5 minutes

Just before a presentation, go to the bathroom and take 1-2 minutes to go through the meditation again, knowing that the materials will be recalled both quickly, completely, and easily. You will be surprised by how successful this is.

Other impacts
Breathing meditation is good for your general wellness, according to most traditions that use breathing techniques as part of meditation. We mostly engage in shallow breathing, depriving ourselves of oxygen, and the deep breathing gets oxygen to the brain. That may be some of the reason it helps memory. The more often you do breathing meditation, the more relaxed you will feel, and the easier it will be to focus your attention. Sometimes, just a few deep breaths will be enough to center your attention in the moment.

Copyright 2018 Ria Loader. All rights reserved

Seven year cycles – the middle years

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the number seven, and seven year cycles. It makes for an interesting view on the cycles in life.

If we think that every seven years the cells of our body are replaced, right down to the brain cells and our skeleton, the tiniest little blood vessels, nerves and molecules. We are, in a sense, a completely different person, or at least a renewed person. We have a continuity with the person-who-was, and we are always the person-who-is, and yet we all have uncertain futures. It is a dream, a wish, a story if you will, that has not yet been written. I am taking some delight in this; the thought of being fictional is resonating in a good way with the person-who-is today. It leads me to start thinking about what the cycles might mean, in terms of who I am becoming. The Greeks would call ‘that which is becoming’ entelekia. We could latinize that to ‘Entelechy’. It was the name we used for a household I lived in for my first seven years in the United States; the residents of that household thought about the meaning of ‘entelechy’ as a kind of thought experiment. Some twenty years later, I am returning to those thoughts.

thOR4512PGWhile by no means a prescriptive narrative, in my meditation:

The first cycle of seven years in our lives is about growth. The first cycle is becoming an individual, learning skills, all in a very accelerated way. We are protean, plastic, and ultimately, form into unique persons with our own definite ideas about the world. The first seven years is about growth.

The second seven years is about physical maturation, starting to grow and gain strength and flexibility of body and spirit. It’s a great time to learn dance, martial arts and physical disciplines, if you have the ability to push your body that way. For those with more limited mobility or coordination, it is a time to find what is most comfortable for your body shape. Well, that’s true of everyone, to be sure. We are all differently abled in some respects. I found swimming and the discipline of gymnastics to be interesting, while my brother ran around a lot playing soccer, and my sister seemed to like to climb trees, roofs and such.

In the third cycle, from 14-21, this is when we push against boundaries around us and define what kind of person we will be, make choices about education, and find out what things we believe.

From 21-28, we try on and discard all kinds of memes, working to discover who we will be as adults. We experiment, sometimes we date many different people, and experience a wild assortment of lifestyles, fashions and belief systems.

By the time we’re 28, the framework of the person is in place, and from here on, we’re filling in what kind of virtual rooms we want, and how we want to decorate them. Somewhere between 21 and 28, give or take a few years, we may find a partner or two, decide if we want kids of our own, and make career choices. Around 28, if you’re a fan of astrology, this is when you have your Saturn Return, when the natal position of the planet Saturn comes full cycle, returning to where it was when you were born. In astrology, cycles of the planets are held to be important inflection points, where there is an energy for transformation of one kind or another. One of the outcomes of this cycle is throwing out stuff other people put in our heads. And then what? More of the same, or something different?

From 28-35 the young person might explore careers, relationships, hobbies and choices of exercise. They often jump paths, some choosing family responsibilities, and some just starting families, while others decide to pursue more personal challenges and education. Some folks change their patterns, jump across the world, travel, try extreme sports, develop a business and so on. During this time, we’re all about making our mark on the world. Being counted. Having an impact. Raising kids, or raising mischief, depending on our natures.

And then there’s the 35-42 cycle, where we start thinking about long-term planning, buying a house (if we haven’t already), building wealth, getting out of debt, making time for personal projects. Maybe another career change, dusting off the resume, dropping things from 15 years ago and generally doing some personal grooming and style changes. If we care, we moisturize.  This is the last hurrah if we change our mind about having children, unless we choose to adopt or join up with someone who has a ready-made family. We see friends around us making choices to be “middle-aged”, and see some of their choices deliberately narrowing. Health issues can start to become a factor in decisions. And we make choices ourselves about whether to keep expanding, and exploring, or if we want to be more settled ourselves. And then, after this, we run out of role models in the western world.

Unless we think about rock stars and celebrities, or very wealthy folks, our models for healthy, enriched lives start to look a bit, well, thin. We need to start looking further afield for role models and inspiration. There are much more complex societies and kinship models than the sparse nuclear family that came out of the industrial revolution. Deliberate or related families, people choosing co-housing, communal living, and house-swaps, fostering young adults, trading and swapping skills around a group of friends are a few things to explore. While not for everyone, pooling resources for a holiday experience or living arrangement can help multi-generational families and friends stay connected.

So, where is the middle if we think in terms of cycles of 7?

  • Cycle 1- to 7 years
  • Cycle 2 – 7 to 14 years
  • Cycle 3 – 14-21 years
  • Cycle 4 – 21-28 years
  • Cycle 5 – 28-35 years
  • Cycle 6 – 35-42 years
  • Cycle 7 – 42-49 years
  • Cycle 8 – 49-56 years
  • Cycle 9 – 56-63 years
  • Cycle 10 – 63-70 years
  • Cycle 11 – 70-77 years
  • Cycle 12 – 77-84 years
  • Cycle 13 – 84 – 91 years
  • Cycle 14 – 91 – 98 years
  • Cycle 15 – 98 – 107 years

Given extended longevity, the middle years run from cycle 7 through cycle 10, the years in the middle. It’s fun to think about this as a range of time, rather than as a target number.

My grandmother passed last year at 98 years of age, or at the end of Cycle 14. That’s quite an inspiration. She had a long, engaged, active and productive life way after any of the mixed feelings I might have about having arrived at the middle portion of my life.

If I was a novel, these middle cycles would be when all the exciting stuff would happen. Novels have an inciting incident, the hero grows into understanding, challenges arrive and need to be dealt with during the climax or just past the middle, and the resolution occurs in the latter part of the story.

If I think of myself as a piece of fiction I am writing, there is a whole 28 year period to think about, to ponder, and to make up cool things and design creative stuff. This is a much more positive meditation than thinking about a decade at a time, with all the associated baggage that comes with society’s emphasis on being forever young. By thinking in cycles of seven, it’s a way to sidestep some of those assumptions. Sevens it is!

Next, I think I’ll focus on a list of stuff on my “to do” list that’s checked off already. That’ll give me some areas for new exploration.


Meditation and the month of May


Hawthorn, Washington

Hawthorn – the May

Here, as the May, or Hawthorn, has finished blooming it is one of the times in the year that I pause and think about where I am and who I am becoming.  While some think of May 1 as May Day, I prefer to wait until the Hawthorn acts as a signal to re-establish my center in relationship to the world around me. There is also a little meditation about approaching my birthday later in the year; May is the halfway mark to my birthday in November.

The passing of the May seems to coincide with spring cleaning, gardening, and all the renewal projects. It also signals that the time for outdoor fun is here, at least if the weather cooperates. Here’s hoping for a bright and renewing summer for my friends and family.

[Part of this article has been sent to another post, if you saw the original version that talked about Cycles of 7 years.]


Spring: Lilacs in the garden


The scent of lilacs is heady and euphoric for me. I wandered out into the garden this morning to stretch, breathe and enjoy the color of the bushes. Last week I was standing under the cherry blossoms, and the week before that it was the magnolias, but today, today is for lilacs. For some reason they remind me of my grandmother. Perhaps it is the color, and that rinse that used to be popular for little old ladies. She lived to be 98 years of age, so perhaps lilacs are also a signal, for me, of tenacity.

This morning as I breathed in the color and the scent, I felt particularly grounded. A good way to start and to breathe in the day.

True love – after life and death

What is there to say when you have experienced ‘happily ever after’? When the song is done, the stage is cleared, and the players move to other roles? Raven Bond died peacefully on November 21st; we were married for 27 years, and together in spirit before that and forever after. We were married three times, the first by a civil authority, the second in a magical event where we pledged our vows, and one last time on his death-bed. It is not over. It is not done. Love is forever.

“You must have an amazing life, you hear me?” he wrote in his death letter. It was, appropriately, in a file called ‘death letter’ where I could find it easily. “I will be with you forever, even though I don’t have a body,” he said, and “I feel more for you than words can express.”

I feel the same way. He had the gift of unconditional love, and I found myself the recipient of that regard every day. Does that mean he was a saint? No. He was as gloriously flawed, as full of doubts and baggage as any other. His spirit though? That was as brilliant as a star, as courageous, as full of fire and hope and humor.

It is three months since he left the world of form. The body held the spirit so lightly, it was as if he were tethered by will alone. In the last year, we embraced the moments, one by one. We held hands and watched silly movies. We petted the cats. We invented characters and wrote books. Always together.

I traveled around the world to be with him, from Sydney to Seattle so long ago. We kept traveling towards each other all that long while, finding new countries, new worlds in the intersection of our wonderful romance.

I am surrounded by my friends of the heart, by extended family, and by those who called him friend, love, counselor, healer and teacher. He touched so many lives. Wherever he is traveling now, I’m certain he is being and becoming exactly who he is meant to be.

Raven told me a story about time, about being now. He said that if something happened, and that was now, even if that event was a long time ago, then that now is still Now. It comforts me to think that we are meeting for the first time, at Ancient Ways in the heat of summer in 1987; we are holding each other in the kitchen the morning that he died; we are celebrating life on a beach in Hawaii, and in some when, we are meeting and making love in other bodies. We are entangled, and that’s a good thing. We are now.

It is as if he has stepped into another room, yet his spirit lingers with me in between particles, suspended like motes in the glitter of stars, in reflected sunshine, in a dark obsidian mirror. I wrap his cloak around me; it keeps me warm at night.

Having been touched by true love, having lived within it, the embrace lingers.

We will meet and know each other again.

And yes, my love. I will have a wonderful life.